One of the most common questions I’ve encountered since becoming a mom is, “How does she sleep?” It seems like the answer to this question determines whether your baby is seen as “good” or “bad.” But no matter how you respond, it often feels like you’re stepping on a landmine. Baby sleep is one of the most discussed topics among parents, and it seems everyone—parents or not—has an opinion or story to share.
Why I Won’t Talk About My Baby’s Sleep
The truth is, baby sleep isn’t linear. Whether your baby is a “good” or “bad” sleeper, both independent and dependent sleepers will have their ups and downs. There will be nights that, no matter what you do, are rough—maybe they’re teething, growing, or learning a new skill. There are countless reasons why a baby might have a difficult night. And trying to explain all of this to someone who isn’t in the thick of it, who doesn’t understand your family’s rhythm or your baby’s temperament, often feels like more trouble than it’s worth.
This post isn’t about the right way to handle baby sleep, and it’s not about judging how others do it. Every family has its own journey with baby sleep, and the decisions they make are their own. My take? No one needs to know the ins and outs of your baby’s sleep routine. You don’t have to answer every detail about your nights or give a play-by-play of how your baby is sleeping. In fact, except for a few close family members and friends, I don’t share much about my baby’s sleep with others.
Keeping It Light and Private
When asked about my baby’s sleep, I usually keep things light and private. Often responding with, “She sleeps like a baby.” I’ve found that this approach minimizes unsolicited advice. It also helps me avoid worrying, comparing, or stressing about what others might think about my baby’s sleep or our parenting decisions.
Sleep with babies isn’t straightforward, and it isn’t linear. I first heard this from HeySleepyBaby on Instagram, and it made perfect sense. So why should I feel the need to tell everyone that my baby slept 12 hours straight without waking for months on end? (Spoiler alert: this is definitely not true!) As an exclusively breastfed baby with a beautifully full figure, our girl wakes up nightly. I don’t keep track of how many times. Some nights are better than others, and I’ve found it healthier not to keep track and instead focus on being grateful that she goes back down quickly after a feed or a little support.
Protecting Your Mental Health
For your own mental health, if you find that everyone’s opinions are cluttering your decision-making, or if you feel overwhelmed by the advice and judgments of others, consider keeping your baby’s sleep details to yourself. Stop opening yourself up to their opinions, and gently let them know that you’re not currently looking for advice. Know the people you can trust and open up to about your baby’s sleep, and keep that circle small. No one knows the ins and outs of your baby or your family’s needs like you do. Don’t sell yourself short—trust in your instincts and decisions.
